Quick steps to making up

Step 1: Watch your body language. Show your desire to reconcile by avoiding combative language like crossed arms. Crossing your arms is a natural defensive posture says psychologist Fiona Travis, Ph.D. Instead, relax your arms at your sides. Dropping your arms sends a signal that you’re letting down your guard, and exposing your palms signifies an open heart that’s ready to compromise.

Step 2: Say sorry. You can quickly end a confrontation with a simple “sorry”. A study done by Jennifer Robberenolt, Ph.D. found that 73 percent of lawsuits are resolved out of court with an apology. By saying “sorry” you show that you are sad about the disagreement, without admitting blame.

Step3: Get back to old routines. Quickly resuming familiar patterns immediately after a fight builds trust. Even if your feelings are still raw, make that catch up call or send that daily e-mail. Whatever little bonds you have between you and your friends/loved ones get back to them immediately after the spat. Small gestures mean a lot during the healing phase after a confrontation.

Step 4: Bond with laughter. According to Silvia Helena Cardoso, Ph.D., a behavioral biologist, only 10-20 percent of laughter is in response to humor. Most of the time shared laughter communicates a desire to bond. Apparently laughter comes easier to humans than aggression, so once you get the ball going it is easy to keep going.

It doesn’t matter what the tiff is about, most people just want to get back to their relationship. Try these four steps next time you are in fight.

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